They don’t tell you that it’s so easy to forget that we don’t have to stay stuck in one place. It’s easy to forget that we can change our lives and leave toxic people who bring us nothing but pain. It’s so easy to forget that we have been living a lie and we can’t do anything about it because of the havoc that we might cause if we start being true to ourselves. It’s so easy to forget that we actually have a choice. A choice to start over. A choice to walk away. A choice to move. A choice to change. A choice to take a leap of faith. A choice to find what brings us joy. A choice to leave what once defined us.
For the first time in a really long time, I’m just letting things expire. I’m letting things fade away, I’m letting everything that once tortured me go, I’m letting those who betrayed me exit my mind and my heart.
Coming home to yourself means that there’s a part of you that knows when something has run its course, when something has served its purpose and when it’s time for a new beginning. There’s a part of you that’s always ready to face what you’re afraid to admit to yourself. I think what holds us back is fear, fear of letting go, fear of detaching from who we are, fear of losing what we worked so hard to achieve. Fear of changing what we think is the ‘best version’ of ourselves.
But here’s the terrifying truth, maybe it’s okay to feel like your 'best self' is not who you really want to be anymore. It’s so easy to forget that your ‘best self’ may not be the best after all. Maybe it was for a little while, but it won’t be forever. And I get it, it’s exhausting; changing, starting over, relearning who you are and what you need, feeling that you wasted years working so hard for something only to abandon it in the end.
BUT for the first time in a really long time I’m not trying to fight for anyone and for the first time in a really long time, I’ve got nothing to lose.
I like my reality the way it is right now. I like how I don’t hide who I truly am anymore. I like how I don’t try too hard to make people stay with me because I finally like my own company. I like how goodbyes don’t scare me. I like how other women don’t intimidate me. I like not knowing what’s going to happen next and I like that I now have faith that the universe will always have something better in store for me. Because for the first time in a really long time, I’m not scared. Maybe I’m curious. Maybe I have a few things I’d like to understand but I’m not scared anymore. I am content. I’m no longer trying to fight my destiny. I’m no longer revisiting my past. I’m no longer trying to rewrite old memories. I’m just learning how to live. To let things be. To let things fall into place instead of trying to rearrange them.
Because for the first time in a really long time, I’m coming home to myself, I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone, I just want to live.